It’s been almost three months since I’ve written, an unintended break that’s been weighing on me.
In August, a pretty serious health crisis happened to my father (and only a few months out from a kidney transplant, it was particularly complicated), one we hadn’t seen coming at all.
“It’s like standing at the edge of the universe,” one of his surgeons said to the two of us, referring to what would happen if we didn’t proceed with the major (and risky) surgery. And that one phrase seems to encapsulate the experience of acute, serious illness so well.
Overnight, my siblings and our spouses were whisked out of our daily lives and into waiting rooms and consultation rooms. The waiting, that is the all too familiar part—we have a routine now. We bring iPads and laptops, share phone chargers and delegate “to call” lists for updates. One makes coffee runs, another is responsible for cracking the jokes, another serves as the contact person for the surgeon and the floor. I usually take the pre-op shift so I can lay eyes on him before he is wheeled back; once he’s in recovery, someone else stays on later.
Since my father provides a lot of care for my mother, we split our time between his ICU and step-down floors and doing overnights at her house, and then after she too had surgery, we traded visits between different hospitals, rehab centers and respite care facilities.
More than two months after it all started, both parents are now home together and settling in. Both are recovering well, and have a renewed sense of hope and possibility.
There is much to say about this experience: the amazing opportunities medical science and premium health care offer, the stress of illness on families, how fortunate I felt I had siblings to help dig through the trenches. But for now, all I will say is we’ve pulled back from our perch at the edge of the universe, from the tense, draining unknown.
Things are calmer now, more predictable. I’ve found a groove with my courses, our new schedule, and lots of other changes. I hope to back here more regularly, and back at my usual writing spots like WBUR’s Cognoscenti and Psychology Today.
Thanks for hanging in there through the silence.
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